Lonely.

I was cleaning my room, thinking about going to the free movie on the lawn tonight, and it hit me: this overwhelming wave of loneliness. I’ve been good up until now. There was some crying when my parents left, obviously, but I haven’t felt really alone until just now. I know that I need to go out to meet people, but I’m a worry wart. How do I go out to meet people when the very idea of meeting people terrifies me? I keep telling myself it will get better when I meet people at work, and I genuinely believe that. I almost wish I was doing college classes, so I’d have an excuse to meet some young people in a setting I’m comfortable in (mainly, a classroom). Bars really aren’t my thing, and the idea of doing one alone is even scarier than going to a movie on a lawn. Of course, since it is Raiders of the Lost Arc, I’m bound to find some young-ish guys there—right? I am just going to go, I think. Can’t chicken out!

I’m going to chicken out.