I was cleaning my room, thinking about going to the free movie on the lawn tonight, and it hit me: this overwhelming wave of loneliness. I’ve been good up until now. There was some crying when my parents left, obviously, but I haven’t felt really alone until just now. I know that I need to go out to meet people, but I’m a worry wart. How do I go out to meet people when the very idea of meeting people terrifies me? I keep telling myself it will get better when I meet people at work, and I genuinely believe that. I almost wish I was doing college classes, so I’d have an excuse to meet some young people in a setting I’m comfortable in (mainly, a classroom). Bars really aren’t my thing, and the idea of doing one alone is even scarier than going to a movie on a lawn. Of course, since it is Raiders of the Lost Arc, I’m bound to find some young-ish guys there—right? I am just going to go, I think. Can’t chicken out!
I like the Moody Blues. This one's for you, Daddio.
Anyway, it is Tuesday afternoon, and a really hot one at that. You know how I keep saying that I'm going to take a walk? Well, I tried that today. I went to Loockerman street (which is the main drag, where all the cool stuff is) to go to a Delaware store. It's about seven minutes away from me. I mosied there and back, and I was *covered* in sweat. Ugh, so icky. I really feel like I am just sitting inside a lot. I feel less bad, because according to the weather channel it feels like 107 outside, even though it is only 93, but stilll! I'm in a walking location! Why can't I walk!
Anyway: everyone please send me addresses via teh e-mails or teh facebook messages. K thanks!
Oh man, what a long few days! I'm here, though, and today I got a lot of stuff done! First and foremost, though: PICTURES!
Ok, so that's one...here's more! http://bethiesapartment.shutterfly.com/pictures/20
So, I have electric, Internet, food, a parking pass, and I checked out a gym. Most importantly, I went to the liquor store! It was a gigantic warehouse of alcohol. Intimidating, yes, but still very nice and cheap. Best of all? NO SALES TAX.
I'm gonna take a walk this afternoon, for real this time. I spent almost all of yesterday in bed. I slept until about 10:00, ate some breakfast and got a shower with full intent to go a traveling, and then I sat down on my bed and woke up at 2:30. After that, I decided to just be done with everything for the day. I set up my TV to play some Zelda, and found out that I already had my cable. This excited me, as I got to watch Leverage.
So, a generally boring few days. I'm getting my car inspected and a new license tomorrow (hopefully) and I'm e-mailing the CRHS people to get information about what the heck I'm teaching. Oh, I also got a library card this morning!
2. Oh my gosh, so sleepy. This is going to be a rough drive. I spent last night tossing and turning. I cut my elbow a few days ago, and apparently I knocked off the scab or something, because when I woke up my arm was covered in blood and my sheets had little dots of it. So, either my apartment was really mad that I am leaving, or really trying to get me to get out faster. Or maybe I should stop attributing random acts to malicious furniture. :)
Today! Packed! I got to my parents at about 9:30, we packed there, and went to my house. Let me be the first to tell you: I have a lot of shit. It does not all fit in the truck we got.
As a side note: I HATE people that can fit into spankies (the stuff you are supposed to wear UNDER your volleyball, crew, or soccer shorts) and then they decide to walk around in them all day. Two girls just walked in in them, and I swear every woman in the panera stared and sent them angry eyes. Or death eyes. Or, in my case, well, I was gonna say googly eyes, because I think those things are funny, but then I was afraid I would be misinterpreted. Don't misintrepret, ok?
Back to the real post: So, I have a lot of shit. Even with selling / giving away my three sets of plates, and leaving behind some stuff on purpose, I could not fit everything into the 16 ft truck, a Honda Accord, and a Nissan Versa. I feel like a failure. I mean, how did I get all of this stuff into my apartment in the first place! Was it really that crowded in there, guys? Feedback on that one, mmmmmkay?
So now, I sit at Panera waiting for my parents. We're gonna eat, and then head on down to Frederick to sleep. Tomorrow, up bright and early for the rest of the journey! Then, we unpack, I get new clearances, I sign leases, I run to banks, and I turn in paperworks for schools. It's gonna be all sorts of fun.
T – 19 hours! Delaware Invasion, Phase 1 commences tomorrow. My parents came over tonight and helped me pack up my kitchen; I knew that would be the hardest part for me to do. It took about 2 hours, give or take, and we’re all still talking to each other.Wohoo!
So, I unplugged all of my router stuff to have packed for Comcast, so I have no modem or router to get to teh intranets. I have my phone, but that isn’t as fun. Besides, KoL doesn’t have an app. Alas. I just made two CDs for my trip tomorrow, ingeniously named “Dover 1” and “Dover 2.” I tried to go with an overall “Starting over” theme, and I like them. Now, I listen to Daft Punk. (Daft Punk is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.)
So, I went around earlier and took some pictures of my poor empty apartment. It feels naked, seriously. I kind of had an “aha!” moment as I was doing that. I really liked this place, and I’m not going to be back here after tomorrow. It was my first true apartment, and it treated me good. (sic). Nice thick walls, warmed up and cooled down quick, never too hard to clean, no problems with the equipment. A great starter apartment, to be sure.
So, on the scale of feelings, I’m feeling slightly bittersweet. This is a push in the more negative direction, as up until this point I’ve just been bored (waiting to move), stressed (packing to move), and ready to move on. I really am just so excited to get a move on, find out what I’m truly teaching for drama (I’m going to be so damn good at that!) and get a new space to work with.
A little too jazzed to sleep, still. Planning on being at the rents at 10 tomorrow to help them pack up a few things there, and then back here to pack the rest of my stuff. We’ll be on our way to stay with my brother and sister-in-law in Frederick tomorrow, and then make the rest of the trip to Dover on Friday morning. I officially get Internet on Monday (and updated cable! Wohoo! Anyone know if Leverage is on On Demand? I’ll be missing Sunday night’s showing.) So, I’m going to continue Daft Punk and play some FreeCell. Fist pound out!
As I was walking down to get my mail today, I kept thinking about how everyone keeps saying how brave I am for moving. First, thanks! However, I don't really feel "brave." Maybe I'm in super denial, but I don't really feel any sort of negative emotion. I KNOW I am going to really miss my parents, but I think that will be the hardest part. I mean, think about going off to college, all my high school friends: we go months without seeing each other anyway. And, college friends, think about the summers: I mean, really, we don't talk all that much during the summers. To me, it just feels like an extended vacay.
To me, this move doesn't seem like a big deal. Of course, right as I started thinking that (on the way to the mailbox, remember; I've been mulling over this for a bit) I remembered the first time I went to Germany. I was a mess in Philadelphia, crying and wanting my mommy; I hated my job, and I really don't think that helped; the only thing loved was staying with my aunt, but I was still a real mess. And then the second time I went to Germany, I was really homesick and spent the week crying.
Still, though, maybe those experiences have given me the little push I need to deal with this. I've lived in Germany for three months, so Dover is a piece of pie. Of course, it is a lot harder to visit when you live across an ocean than just across a state, so that might be helping too. I dunno. It's just a thought.
So, for the record: Thanks for thinking I'm brave! :-D
Well, four more days! I'm spending today trying to pack up my room. This should be fun. There is a block party at Saddle Drive today that I am going to attend, and of course Leverage is on tonight. Should be a busy but fun day.
I had my final hurrah last night. I've gotta say, it was a lot of fun. Thanks to everyone who came for making it so worthwhile for me! It was great seeing you all, and I had a wonderful time. :-D
